by Dave Barclay
Hello and welcome to Sunday Afternoon Baseball: Essays, the sister blog to the podcast Sunday Afternoon Baseball with Paul and Dave, which recently wrapped up its first season. In this blog I (Dave) and possibly also Paul (and maybe even Steve) will be writing down some of our thoughts on matters baseball. This first post will be the answer to a question I sometimes pose to myself in line at the grocery store: What is the most representative player of each of Major League Baseball's 30 franchises?
Now we're not talking about who is the best player in a franchise's history, because that's something you could figure out with statistics, and statistics are not what Dave Barclay is all about. I mean what is the face that pops up when people think about a baseball team? Who represents the soul of each team? Often it is the best player the team has ever had, but sometimes it's whoever was the best player when the team was at its most successful, or someone who played their whole career in that team's uniform. If you could imagine a parliament or group picture or pageant where each of the 30 teams, outside of the restrictions of time and mortality, could send the player that represented that franchise at its very best, whom would you send?
Mr. Arizona Diamondback
It's arguable that the Arizona Diamondbacks were not Randy Johnson's trademark team, but he is definitely the most memorable player in Diamondbacks history. The only championship the Diamondbacks ever won was in 2001, when they ruined everything by beating the Yankees at the only time in history when everyone was cheering for them. It is acknowledged that the responsibility of the Arizona Diamondbacks' championship season that year fell along these lines:
Randy Johnson 50%
Curt Schilling 49%
The rest of the team, front office, management and fans: 1%
This is because those two pitchers played every game, and they had to play every game because when they stopped pitching, Byung-Hyun Kim would come in and give up home runs until the game ended.
Johnson was also tall, ugly and killed birds with baseballs for sport. One time my Dad was watching Randy Johnson pitch and noticed how horribly ugly he was. My mom said that it didn't matter, "because he's rich!"
Since Johnson left for the first time in 2004, The Diamondbacks have had no interesting players, even though they try and promote Justin Upton as a marquee star with their "Uptown" section in the outfield. Even though they have had no good players, they won 2 division titles because the National League West uses a system now where each of the teams takes a turn winning the division once every five years.
Runners up: Curt Schilling, Luis Gonzalez, Justin Upton
Mr. Atlanta Brave
Hank Aaron (1954-1974)This is a little bit tough because when I think of the Braves, I think of the 1990s and those amazing pitching staffs, so I'm temped to say Greg Maddux. But without Glavine, Smoltz, and Avery (and that time Kevin Millwood was really good) it's not the same. You wouldn't say "the Maddux era" you'd say "the Bobby Cox Era" or "the 90s when Atlanta pitchers were the best".
Plus, Hank Aaron is one of the most beloved players of all time, he provides a bridge between the Milwaukee Braves and Atlanta Braves, and the replay of his record-breaking home run will be played forever. He is Paul's favourite hall-of-famer next to Alomar, and inspired that kid in Bad News Bears when he was up in a tree and had taken off all his clothes. He also had to endure death threats from Babe Ruth fans/white supremacists. He also found a way to hit the most home runs in baseball history while never getting more than 45 in one season (the secret: play forever). Pretty clever, Hank Aaron.
Runners Up: Greg Maddux, Bobby Cox, Warren Spahn
Mr. Baltimore Oriole
Remember when everyone stopped playing in the fifth inning in Camden Yards so Cal Ripken Jr could go and high-five everyone in Baltimore? I don't even remember what happened in that game. But I do know that that has never happened to Brooks Robinson.
Runners up: Brooks Robinson, Earl Weaver, Eddie Gaedel
Mr. Boston Red Sock
He wasn't on the most successful Red Sox teams, but part of Red Sox tradition is not succeeding. At least that's how it used to be, in the good old days, before they became the other Yankees. John Updike wrote one of the most famous pieces of baseball literature about his last game, which won't be true of David Ortiz.
Ted Williams also hated the fans at Fenway because they were so fickle, and he never tipped his cap to them. In Boston, this will make the fans like you more, because no one hates the Boston fans more than the Boston fans.
Runners Up: Bill Buckner, David Ortiz, Johnny Pesky, Babe Ruth, Wade Boggs
Mr. Chicago Cub
When your nickname is Mr. Cub, it's hard to miss winning Mr. Cub. (Which is why I'm changing my name to Mr. Enormous Wealth.) But look at this nerd. He wanted to play two games every day, even though he'd probably lose both of them. A glutton for punishment, just like Cubs fans.
Runners Up: Ryne Sandberg, Mordecai "Three-Finger" Brown, Harry Caray
Mr. Chicago White Sock
This is a little sad, but the Chicago White Sox are a sad team. Ever since Shoeless Joe Jackson and John Cusack threw their honour away for a bit of money, The White Sox have been unremarkable, only able to win the World Series against the Houston Astros, and that was only because the Astros themseves were cursed by the ghost of Buzz Aldrin. Plus a World Series with the Astros involved doesn't count. Once again, literature leads the way: W. P. Kinsella wrote Shoeless Joe, not Harold Baines.
Runners Up: Cap Anson, Bill Veeck, Ozzie Guillen
Mr. Cincinnati Red
When you think baseball in the 1970s, you think of the Big Red Machine, and when you thing of the Big Red Machine, Pete Rose is the Machiniest Charlie Hustle of them all. This one ain't even close. And that's two disgraced heroes in a row. The C section's got big problems.
Runners Up: Johnny Bench, Chris Sabo
Mr. Cleveland Indian
I wanted to put Albert Belle, or "Wild Thing" Vaughn, because they, like Cleveland, make me laugh, much like the ribald antics of Drew Carey in his eponymous sitcom. But neither of those guys brought home the gold for the people of Cleveland like Rapid Robert did in '48, and and Bob Feller was a superstar, well known by everyone in the country from babies to old women.
I know this because Abbott and Costello had a Feller joke in one of their routines I used to listen to as I fell asleep. I think it went like this:
Abbott: What about Feller?
Costello: Fellow?
Abbott: No Feller, Feller!
Costello: Fellow!
Abbott: What's the matter with you!
That's rich.
Runners Up: Albert Belle, Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn, Ray Chapman, Nap Lajoie, Louis Sockalexis
Mr. Colorado Rocky
Dante Bichette (1993-99)
I used to have a teenage crush on the Colorado Rockies, because of their purple and black logo. And when I played as the Rockies on Ken Griffey Jr. presents Major League Baseball, Dante Bichette was the coolest of them all. I want to put Dante Bichette here so bad. He was one of the big boppers whose stats got inflated dramatically when they moved to Colorado, along with Vinny Castilla, Andres "Big Cat" Galarraga, and Lou Marsh Award winner Larry Walker.
But now that I look at it, I think everyone in Colorado agrees Todd Helton is the best and most Ernie Banks-like in his identification with the franchise. He seems like a nice guy. But he's got the dumbest beard I've ever seen. It's a perfect circle.
Runners Up: Larry Walker, Matt Holliday, Troy Tulowitski
Dr. Detroit Tiger
There was a really good article in Grantland about how Ty Cobb is the city of Detroit. Detroit was so unruly that it needed Robocop to tame it, and Ty Cobb stabbed a night watchman. But they're both lovable in their own way.
He has competition from Al Kaline, because Kaline's nickname is "Mr. Tiger", which, using Ernie Banks logic, should mean he automatically wins. And if the Tigers were the Cubs, Kaline would win, but the Tigers aren't the Cubs, they're the Tigers, and they'll rip your face right off.
Runners Up: Al Kaline, Lou Whitaker, Hank Greenberg, Willie Horton
Part Two continues with the Houston Astros - Oakland Athletics.
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